How God Became Real to Me: Trial, Error, and the Gift of Faith

Southeast Vipassana Center, Jesup GA, Summer 2008

“Are you okay?”

That is the question one of the aides at the Vipassana Meditation Center in Georgia who had cracked open the door to the women’s bungalow filled with bunk beds whispered through the dark to me one of my first nights there.

I must have been loudly crying. Okay, I WAS loudly crying.

I was only a few days into the highly disciplined ten-day silent meditation retreat and I had completely lost it.

The aide’s question brought me back to a present moment awareness that there were people other than me at this retreat, and the poor souls were probably trying to get some sleep.

I whispered a shaky “yes,” and calmed myself down.

A Spiritual Attack Before the Retreat

The truth is, not only was the collective trauma of my past coming up, HARD, but what had just happened before I had arrived at the retreat center was enough to throw anyone for a loop.

The night before the retreat, I had decided to go see some St. Augustine musician friends perform at a local venue. I ordered a bottle of wine for myself at the venue (I was a…